hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just pee around me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
