I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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