i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
