I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
