shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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