so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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