I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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