I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
