oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
