the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
