Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We got so high we made milksteak
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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