So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
