so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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