Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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