two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
