you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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