you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
