whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
