Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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