So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
