it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
