When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
