Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
