Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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