I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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