Me too!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
