remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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