Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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