Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
