i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
