I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
