I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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