and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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