Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
