I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
