it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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