bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
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Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just want nice things and good sex
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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