4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
