We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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