peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
