All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
