Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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