so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
