come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
