Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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