hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
