I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize