Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
