She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
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In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
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my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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