If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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