The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
