you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
