i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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