i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
