i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
