Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
