I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
