I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
