Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize