I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
MIDGETS
????
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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