i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize