I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
