You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
