Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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