I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
