Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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