I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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