Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
