Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
