I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize