I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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