ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
