He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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