my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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