I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
