I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
