Your mouth is God's brothel.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
