I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
