Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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