That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
