Sponge bath it is.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
