How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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